There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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