He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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