My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
