Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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