my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
