I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
