I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
