I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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