I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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