We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found a bag of teeth...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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