She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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