I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
