hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
