I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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