the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
