yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
