i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
