Don't you send me to vm
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
