The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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