wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
