Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
