it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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