Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
