I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
