if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
