her vagine was all disorganized.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
