bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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