Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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