I got chris browned last night
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
