From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
