is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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