69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
