Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
