her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize