If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
