I wish I only lived at night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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