What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
