at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
