he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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