We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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