I'm so fucking centered right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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