I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
