First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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