i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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