Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
