"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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