you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
