My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
