dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
