I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
