I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
