loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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