i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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