2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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