Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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