we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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