That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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