It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
