Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
