Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
