Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
