She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
