im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
