we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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