I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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